# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
# Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
# Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the
American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
# What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
# Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
# Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
# Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
# In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
# It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
# Chuck Norris can touch
MC Hammer.
# Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
# Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.
# Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
# Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
# Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
# When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds
# When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
# The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
# Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
# Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
# 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
# Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
# The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
# Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
# Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
# In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
# Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
# When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
